| Ferengi and the Rules of Aquisition |
| In the Star Trek universe, the Ferengi are natives of the planet Ferenginar and are noted for their single- minded devotion to capitalism. They first appeared in "The Last Outpost", the fourth episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in 1987, during which they made first contact with the United Federation of Planets in 2364 on the planet Delphi Ardu, though they had been mentioned in the series' pilot, "Encounter at Farpoint". They and their culture are characterized by a mercantile obsession with profit and trade and their constant efforts to swindle people into bad deals. They are also known for their business acumen and for exploiting females. Notable Ferengi characters include Quark, Rom, Nog, Ishka, Zek, and Brunt, all of whom were featured prominently in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The Ferengi are a humanoid species, somewhat smaller than humans, usually reaching approximately 5 ft in height. Ferengi have unusually large ears, which are more pronounced in males than in females, giving them an excellent sense of hearing. Due to the size of their ears, they can also sense sudden atmospheric and altitude changes within a starship where most other species would not have noticed the changes (DS9: "Starship Down"). The ears, at least in males, are erogenous zones; Ferengi are seen to take sensual delight when their ears are stimulated, described by the word Oo-mox ( The exact meaning is unclear: "there is no direct translation" Episode: Ménage à Troi). The Ferengi also colloquially use the word lobes much as the words brains or balls are used in modern English (as in, "I didn't think you had the lobes for that!"). Large earlobes are a sign of virility in Ferengi culture. Ferengi also have lobed foreheads, large, ridged noses, ascending ribs, upper and lower lungs, and a four- lobed brain that cannot be read by the telepathic powers of Betazoids or Vulcans, although half-Betazoid Deanna Troi, herself incapable of telepathic contact with non-Betazoids, could empathically sense their emotions, as seen in “The Price” and other episodes. Data once mentioned Ferengi being "stronger than they appear"; however, in later episodes they are usually shown as being significantly weaker than the average human. Ferengi teeth resemble jagged spikes, and they use a hand-held tooth sharpener to maintain them. Ferengi have six toes, this can be seen in one of the seventh season DS9 episodes where Quark is getting a pedicure because he erroneously thinks he will be the next Grand Nagus. Ferengi blood is yellow, turning dark blue-green when oxidized. Noteworthy Ferengi males are neither buried nor cremated when they die. Rather, the dying male puts his body up for auction to the highest bidder and the dead body is carved up into little pieces that are vacuum-desiccated, preserved and packaged for sale as mementos of a worthy life. In one DS9 episode, Constable Odo expresses an interest, when the time comes, in buying Quark's remains. In another episode, Quark, faced with the eventuality of death on a far-off planet laments that his carcass will remain unmourned and unsold. Ferengi typically emit a high-pitched shriek when attacked; they are likewise pained by ultrasonics too high for human ears such as those aimed at eradicating Cardassian Voles. Ferengi females have smaller lobes then males and are not permitted to go out in public, hold jobs, wear clothing or participate in trade or commerce. Quark says spouses never argue and that divorce and broken homes are unknown. Women are even asked to cut up food and chew it softly for their mates and children. They are also forbidden to travel. Due to their use of insects as edibles, Nog, the brother of Quark, presumes Entomology is the study of becoming a chef. An important component of Ferengi cooking appears to be insects and other small invertebrates. Some, such as tube grubs and gree worms, are nearly always served alive (like the Klingon dish gagh), while others are served jellied or in a juice form. Unlike how humans are repulsed at the idea of eating Klingon gagh (live "serpentine worms"), Quark has been observed eating gagh on several occasions, though commenting that he thinks it tastes bland and boring. Popular beverages include Eelwasser and Slug-O-Cola ("The slimiest drink in the galaxy"). The cuisine of the Ferengi has achieved little acceptance among other cultures, with a few notable exceptions. Ferengi invented the alcohol substitute synthehol, and the alcoholic drink "black hole" is popular among some non-Ferengi. Outside of Ferenginar, many Ferengi enjoy the food of other cultures in addition to traditional Ferengi cuisine, and have integrated it into their menus. However, most Ferengi have a particular distaste for human food. In several episodes of DS9, Quark expresses his extreme distaste for root beer, which he describes as "so bubbly, and cloying, and happy. Just like the Federation." A subset of the Ferengi culture are known as Eliminators, and they routinely hire themselves out as assassins to anyone willing to pay for their services. Most Ferengi, however, view Eliminators as eccentric at best (since Eliminators appear to enjoy the sport of killing more than the profits gained thereby) or dangerous psychopaths at worst (killing potential customers, which is not good for business), and avoid them whenever possible. The Ferengi have a culture which is based entirely upon commerce. They follow a code of conduct known as "The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition." These rules ordain conduct such as "Never place family before business." Reportedly these rules are subject to interpretation depending upon the situation. Plea bargaining is a legal tradition, as is the purchasing of an apprenticeship following the Attainment Ceremony. There is no distinction between business and pleasure in Ferengi culture. The Ferengi culture does not embrace science, except where it will provide profit. Money is expected to accompany every interchange of life, even private visits to family and friends' homes and government business. When welcoming guests (or perhaps Liquidators or other officials in particular) into his home, a Ferengi male will recite a traditional greeting: "Welcome to our home. Please place your thumb print on the legal waivers and deposit your admission fee in the slot by the door. Remember, my house is my house." The guest replies, "As are its contents". Ferengi buildings are generally low domes with rounded archways, low ceilings, food cellars and a lack of windows mark typical home architecture. At 40 storeys high, the tallest building on Ferenginar is the Tower of Commerce, which is adorned with a large spire. Towels are provided at entrances to dry off from the constant rain. Pressing noses is a loving familial greeting. A woman talking to a stranger is considered an insult; a clothed one is cause to shield or avert one's eyes. Ferengi culture is so devoted to unregulated capitalism that concepts such as labor unions, sick leave, vacations, or paid overtime for workers are considered abhorrent, because they would interfere with the exploitation of workers. Ferengi workers don't particularly mind this system, because they all want to eventually gather enough wealth to become employers themselves, exploiting their own workers. In addition to the Rules, the Ferengi also recognize the Five Stages of Acquisition: |
1. Once you have their money ... never give it back
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try
3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to
4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
5. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity
7. Always keep your ears open
8. Small Print leads to large risks
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit
10. Greed is eternal
11. A man is only worth the sum of his possessions
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
14. Anything stolen is pure profit
15. Acting stupid is often smart
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along
17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
21. Never place friendship above profit
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
24. Nothing is more important than your health. Except for money
25. Fear makes a good business partner
26. The vast Majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
27. Theres nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman
28. Morality is always defined by those in power
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying
30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss
34. Peace is good for business
35. War is good for business
36. If you see profit on a journey, take it
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation
38. Free advertising is cheap
39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum
41. Profit is its own reward
42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck
45. Expand, or die
46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
50. Never bluff a Klingon
51. Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame
52. Never ask when you can take
53. Sell first; ask questions later
54. Never buy anything you can't sell
55. Always sell at the highest possible profit
56. Pursue profit; women come later
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them
58. There is no substitute for success
59. Free advice is seldom cheap
60. Keep your lies consistent
61. Never buy what can be stolen
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit
63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
64. If you can't break a contract, bend it
65. Win or lose, theres always Huyperian beetle snuff
66. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one
67. Keep count of your change
68. Compassion is no substitute for a profit
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
71. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
72. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
73. Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don't trust
74. Knowledge equals profit
75. Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies
77. Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit
78. There is a customer born every minute
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge
80. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique*
81. A smart customer is not a good customer
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price
83. Revenge is profitless
84. He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir
85. Never let the competition know what your thinking
86. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
87. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a friend
88. Everything that has no owner, needs one
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits
90. Don't lie too soon after a promotion
91. Mine is better than ours
92. He who drinks fast pays slow
93. Never trust a wise man
94. Females and finances don't mix
95. Important, more impotant, Latinum
96.Never do something you can make someone do for you
97. Enough ... is never enough
98. Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all
100. Don't talk shop; talk shopping
101. Don't talk ship; talk shipping
102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever
103. Sleep can interfere with profit/opportunity
104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory
105. Death takes no bribes
106. There is no honour in poverty
107. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
108. A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack
110. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is
111. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister
113. Always have sex with the boss
114. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer
115. Never use Latinum where your words will do
116. Never argue with a loaded phaser
117. You cant free a fish from water
118. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way
120. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship
122. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum
124. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever
125. A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth
126. A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of view
127. Gratitude can bring on generosity
129. Never trust your customers
130. Never trust a beneficiary
133. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet ... sometimes good things come in small packages
134. There's always a catch
135. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it
136. The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!
137. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father
138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit
140. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
141. Only fools pay retail
142. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fait play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
143. The family of Fools is ancient
144. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket
145. Always ask for the costs first
148. Opportunity waits for no one
150. Make your shop easy to find
151. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
152. Sell the sizzle, not the steak
153. If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ
154. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerece
155. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too
156. His money is only your's when he can't get it back
157. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
158. Don't pay until you have the goods
159. The customer is always right ... until you have their cash
160. Respect is good, Latinum is better
161. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit
163. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't
164. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's
165. Never allow one's culture's law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
166. Never give away for free what can be sold
167. If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal
168. Beware of relatives bearing gifts
169. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
171. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
172. If you can sell it, don't hsitate to steal it
173. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket
174. Share and perish
175. When everything fails - run
176. Ferengi's don't give promotional gifts!
177. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always
178. The world is a stage - don't forget to demand admission
179. Whenever you think that things can't get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door
180. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit
182. Whenever you're being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES
183. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine
186. There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes
188. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money
190. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves
192. Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door
195. Wounds heal, but debt is forever
196. Only give money to people you know you can steal from
197. Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives
199. The secret of one person is another person's opportunity
200. A madman with Latinum means profit without return
202. The justification for profit is profit
203. New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
]204. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it's time to leave town until he's gone
205. When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'
206. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it's good to have a friend around when you lose
207. Never trust a hardworking employee
209. Tell them what they want to hear
211. Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach
212. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much
213. Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides
216. Never gamble with an empath
217. Possession is eleven-tenths of the law
218. Always know what you're buying
219. Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox
224. Never throw anything away: It may be worht a lot of Latinum some Stardate
226. Don't take your family for granted, only their Latinum
227. Loyalty can be bought ... and sold
228. All things come to those who wait, even Latinum
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust
230. Manipulation may be a Ferengi's greatest tool, and liability
231. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty
232. Life's no fair (How else would you turn a profit?)
233. Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining
234. Never deal with beggars; it's bad for profits
235. Don't trust anyone who trusts you
236. You can't buy fate
237. There's a sucker born every minute. Be sure you're the first to find each one
238. The truth will cost
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product
240. The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away
241. Never underestimate the inportance of the fist impression
242. More is good ... all is better
243. If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT
244. If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
245. A warranty is valid only if they can find you
246. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them
247. Never question luck
248. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
249. Respect other culture's beliefs; they'll be more likely to give you money
250. A dead vendor doesn't demand money
252. Let the buyer beware
253. A contract without fine print is a fool's document
254. Anyone who can't tell a fake doesn't deserve the real thing
255. A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity
256. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse
257. Only fools negotiate with their own money
258. A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets
259. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know
260. Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
264. It's not the size of your planet, but it's income, that matters
265. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend - choose wisely
266. When in doubt, lie
267. Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well
269. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value
271. There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets
272. The way to a Ferengi's heart is through his wallet
273. Always count their Latinum before selling anything
274. There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice
275. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it
276. If at first you don't succeed, try to acquire again
278. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit
279. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes
280. An empty bag can not stand upright
281. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell
282. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner
283. Rules are always subject to interpretation
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished
286. [Quark's rule] When Morn leaves, it's all over.
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try
3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to
4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
5. Only a fool passes up a business opportunity
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity
7. Always keep your ears open
8. Small Print leads to large risks
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit
10. Greed is eternal
11. A man is only worth the sum of his possessions
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
14. Anything stolen is pure profit
15. Acting stupid is often smart
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along
17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat
21. Never place friendship above profit
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
24. Nothing is more important than your health. Except for money
25. Fear makes a good business partner
26. The vast Majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
27. Theres nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman
28. Morality is always defined by those in power
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying
30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ... insult something he cares about instead
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss
34. Peace is good for business
35. War is good for business
36. If you see profit on a journey, take it
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation
38. Free advertising is cheap
39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum
41. Profit is its own reward
42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck
45. Expand, or die
46. Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
50. Never bluff a Klingon
51. Never admit a mistake if there's someone else to blame
52. Never ask when you can take
53. Sell first; ask questions later
54. Never buy anything you can't sell
55. Always sell at the highest possible profit
56. Pursue profit; women come later
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum -- treasure them
58. There is no substitute for success
59. Free advice is seldom cheap
60. Keep your lies consistent
61. Never buy what can be stolen
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit
63. Power without profit is like a ship without an engine
64. If you can't break a contract, bend it
65. Win or lose, theres always Huyperian beetle snuff
66. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one
67. Keep count of your change
68. Compassion is no substitute for a profit
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise
71. Gamble and trade have two things in common: risk and Latinum
72. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
73. Never trust advice from a dying Ferengi; listen but don't trust
74. Knowledge equals profit
75. Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies
77. Go where no Ferengi has gone before; where there is no reputation there is profit
78. There is a customer born every minute
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge
80. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn't work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique*
81. A smart customer is not a good customer
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price
83. Revenge is profitless
84. He's a fool who makes his doctor his heir
85. Never let the competition know what your thinking
86. Beware of small expenses: a small leak will kill a ship
87. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don't tell it to a friend
88. Everything that has no owner, needs one
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits
90. Don't lie too soon after a promotion
91. Mine is better than ours
92. He who drinks fast pays slow
93. Never trust a wise man
94. Females and finances don't mix
95. Important, more impotant, Latinum
96.Never do something you can make someone do for you
97. Enough ... is never enough
98. Wise men don't lie, they just bend the truth
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all
100. Don't talk shop; talk shopping
101. Don't talk ship; talk shipping
102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever
103. Sleep can interfere with profit/opportunity
104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory
105. Death takes no bribes
106. There is no honour in poverty
107. Money is never made. It is merely won or lost
108. A woman wearing clothes is like a man without profit
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack
110. If the profit seems too good to be true, it usually is
111. Treat people in your debt like family ... exploit them
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister
113. Always have sex with the boss
114. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer
115. Never use Latinum where your words will do
116. Never argue with a loaded phaser
117. You cant free a fish from water
118. Never cheat a honest man offering a decent price
119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way
120. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship
122. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum
124. Friendship is temporary, profit is forever
125. A lie isn't a lie until someone else knows the truth
126. A lie isn't a lie, it's just the truth seen from a different point of view
127. Gratitude can bring on generosity
129. Never trust your customers
130. Never trust a beneficiary
133. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet ... sometimes good things come in small packages
134. There's always a catch
135. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it
136. The sharp knife cuts quickly. Act without delay!
137. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father
138. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit
140. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more
141. Only fools pay retail
142. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. Fait play and financial loss go hand-in-hand
143. The family of Fools is ancient
144. There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket
145. Always ask for the costs first
148. Opportunity waits for no one
150. Make your shop easy to find
151. Sometimes, what you get free costs entirely too much
152. Sell the sizzle, not the steak
153. If possible sell neither the sizzle nor the steak, but the Elphasian wheat germ
154. The difference between manure and Latinum is commerece
155. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too
156. His money is only your's when he can't get it back
157. You are surrounded by opportunities; you just have to know where to look
158. Don't pay until you have the goods
159. The customer is always right ... until you have their cash
160. Respect is good, Latinum is better
161. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit out of his death than out of his life
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit
163. A thirsty customer is good for profit, a drunk one isn't
164. Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's
165. Never allow one's culture's law to get in the way of a universal goal: profit
166. Never give away for free what can be sold
167. If a deal is fairly and lawfully made, then seeking revenge especially unprofitable revenge, is illegal
168. Beware of relatives bearing gifts
169. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable
171. Time is Latinum. The early Ferengi get the Latinum
172. If you can sell it, don't hsitate to steal it
173. A piece of Latinum in the hand is worth two in a customer's pocket
174. Share and perish
175. When everything fails - run
176. Ferengi's don't give promotional gifts!
177. Know your enemies ... but do business with them always
178. The world is a stage - don't forget to demand admission
179. Whenever you think that things can't get worse, the FCA will be knocking on you door
180. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit
182. Whenever you're being asked if you are god, the right answer is YES
183. Genius without opportunity is like Latinum in the mine
186. There are two things that will catch up with you for sure: death and taxes
188. Never bet on a race you haven't fixed
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money
190. Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves
192. Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it
194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door
195. Wounds heal, but debt is forever
196. Only give money to people you know you can steal from
197. Never trust your customers, especially if they are your relatives
199. The secret of one person is another person's opportunity
200. A madman with Latinum means profit without return
202. The justification for profit is profit
203. New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.
]204. When the Grand Nagus arrives to offer you a business opportunity, it's time to leave town until he's gone
205. When the customer dies, the money stops a-comin'
206. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassians - it's good to have a friend around when you lose
207. Never trust a hardworking employee
209. Tell them what they want to hear
211. Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach
212. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much
213. Stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides
216. Never gamble with an empath
217. Possession is eleven-tenths of the law
218. Always know what you're buying
219. Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox
224. Never throw anything away: It may be worht a lot of Latinum some Stardate
226. Don't take your family for granted, only their Latinum
227. Loyalty can be bought ... and sold
228. All things come to those who wait, even Latinum
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust
230. Manipulation may be a Ferengi's greatest tool, and liability
231. If you steal it, make sure it has a warranty
232. Life's no fair (How else would you turn a profit?)
233. Every dark cloud has a Latinum lining
234. Never deal with beggars; it's bad for profits
235. Don't trust anyone who trusts you
236. You can't buy fate
237. There's a sucker born every minute. Be sure you're the first to find each one
238. The truth will cost
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product
240. The higher you bid, the more customers you drive away
241. Never underestimate the inportance of the fist impression
242. More is good ... all is better
243. If you got something nice to say, then SHOUT
244. If you can't sell it, sit on it, but never give it away
245. A warranty is valid only if they can find you
246. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them
247. Never question luck
248. Celebrate when you are paid, not, when you are promised
249. Respect other culture's beliefs; they'll be more likely to give you money
250. A dead vendor doesn't demand money
252. Let the buyer beware
253. A contract without fine print is a fool's document
254. Anyone who can't tell a fake doesn't deserve the real thing
255. A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity
256. Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse
257. Only fools negotiate with their own money
258. A Ferengi is only as important as the amount of Latinum he carries in his pockets
259. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know
260. Gambling is like the way to power: The only way to win is to cheat, but don't get caught in the process
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum.
264. It's not the size of your planet, but it's income, that matters
265. The fear of loss may be your greatest enemy or your best friend - choose wisely
266. When in doubt, lie
267. Wish not so much to live Long, as to live well
269. Never purchase anything that has been promised to be valuable or go up in value
271. There's many witty men whose brains can't line their pockets
272. The way to a Ferengi's heart is through his wallet
273. Always count their Latinum before selling anything
274. There is no profit in love; however, a strong heart is worth a few bars of Latinum on the open market. Keep it on ice
275. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it
276. If at first you don't succeed, try to acquire again
278. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit
279. Never close a deal too soon after a female strokes your lobes
280. An empty bag can not stand upright
281. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell
282. Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner
283. Rules are always subject to interpretation
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished
286. [Quark's rule] When Morn leaves, it's all over.
| Rules of Aquisition |
| Cheapest Binding Possible |
| Some rules may be misnumbered |
1. Infatuation: An unreasoning love or attraction … "I want it."
2. Justification: Moral excuse used to explain … "I must have it!"
3. Appropriation: To take to one's self in exclusion of others … "IT'S MINE AT LAST!"
4. Obsession: A compulsive or irrational preoccupation … "Precious!"
5. Resale: The action of selling something previously bought … "Make me an offer."
(The five Stages of Acquisition may be based on the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) The currency of the Ferengi is Gold-Pressed Latinum, a fictional liquid, stored in gold slips, strips, bars and bricks in standardized amounts. Latinum derives its value from being non-replicable by any known existing or predicted replication technology. Their home planet, Ferenginar, is the center of the Ferengi Alliance located in the Alpha Quadrant and is governed by the Grand Nagus and a Commerce Authority made primarily of the Council of Economic Advisors (formerly Board of Liquidators). Precisely what the Ferengi Alliance consisted of was never revealed; it may simply encompass Ferenginar and any uninhabited planets that the Ferengi have colonized, since there was little indication that the Ferengi government exercised authority over any species other than its own. The Ferengi Alliance is ultimately controlled by the Grand Nagus, followed by his subordinates in the Ferengi Commerce Authority. The ultimate aim of this group is to make profit, either through galactic expansion, acquisition, or trade. In the past, acquisition has been gained through attacking other ships and worlds and taking anything of value. More recently it has been determined that one cannot make a profit if one is blown up, and that peaceful trade is more profitable, so this hostile approach has been eliminated on the whole. The Ferengi Alliance operates on a strictly patriarchal society in which women can absolutely never make profit. There is a strong Ferengi presence around Deep Space Nine as the gateway to business in the Gamma Quadrant. The Alliance remained neutral during the destructive Dominion War which laid waste to much of the Alpha Quadrant. The effects of the war on the Alliance are unknown, although it is likely to have suffered economic hardship with the collapse of neighboring economies. Like most of their culture, their religion is also based on the principles of capitalism: they offer prayers and monetary offerings to a "Blessed Exchequer" in hopes of entering the "Divine Treasury" upon death, and fear an afterlife spent in the "Vault of Eternal Destitution". The Ferengi concept of conducting trade and business can be best described in the episode "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River". It introduces the Great Material Continuum, a metaphor in Ferengi culture that describes trade as the binding force of all life in the universe, where there are "millions of worlds, all with too much of one thing and not enough of the other." The Continuum is a river whose current flows from those who have to those who want. According to this concept, there is a finite amount of wealth and goods in the universe, and any goods taken from one part of the "river" must be appropriately replaced or paid for by other methods. Thus, one must be sufficiently knowledgeable of the wants and needs of others to properly conduct business. A Ferengi sufficiently skilled at navigating this continuum will certainly prosper and amass great wealth and power. If a Ferengi navigates the river properly, he can accumulate wealth and distribute it throughout society, at various points along the river. This may demonstrate an important distinction, even in Ferengi culture, between selfishness and greed. Ferengi believe that greed, while essential to their concept of economics, is not inherently selfish, because the pursuit of greed serves a greater good. Alternatively, the concept may demonstrate that Ferengi culture views both selfishness and greed as completely compatible with improving the wealth of the universe as a whole. The Ferengi concepts of the afterlife are a mirror of their pursuit of wealth in life. When a Ferengi dies, he is said to meet the Blessed Exchequer, who reviews the financial statements of that Ferengi's entire life. If he earned a profit, he is ushered into Ferengi heaven: the Divine Treasury, where the Celestial Auctioneers allow him to bid on a new life. Ferengi who were not financially successful in life are damned to the Vault of Eternal Destitution. When a Ferengi prays or bows in reverence, he holds his hands in a bowl shape with his wrists together. A typical Ferengi prayer begins with this phrase: "Blessed Exchequer, whose greed is eternal, allow this bribe to open your ears and hear this plea from your most humble debtor." As is typical, this is accompanied by placing a slip of latinum into a small statue made in the Exchequer's likeness. Ferengi also make regular pilgrimages to Earth's Wall Street, which they view as a holy site of commerce and business. In the Star Trek television shows, Ferengi, like almost every other alien race are almost always shown speaking in English, but as with other races, they are known to have their own language. The Deep Space Nine episode "Little Green Men" shows Ferengi speaking their own language when their universal translators malfunction. (In that episode, we see that Ferengi typically wear their Universal Translators implanted into their ears.) In the Star Trek: Enterprise episode "Acquisition" the script is mostly in their language until they get the universal translator working. They are one of the few alien races whose language has been heard by the home viewer. Several episodes show examples of the Ferengi written language or script, some of them being animated on computer displays, as if they were a futuristic version of a Ferengi stock ticker. Ferengi writing is meant to resemble a flow chart. As a result of the rainy climate, the Ferengi language has 178 different words for "rain" and none for "crisp". There exists an unofficial constructed Ferengi language. A notable Ferengi pastime is the strategic game Tongo, played with cards and a roulette wheel. At each turn the player has the choice to "evade", "confront", "acquire", or "retreat". A Global Tongo Championship is held each year on Ferenginar. Another Ferengi game using a similar wheel is Dabo. About ten players can sit around the dabo wheel, and each either "buys", "sells" or "converts" their gold-pressed latinum (money) in preparation for the next spin of the wheel. Proprietors who house dabo games in their establishments often employ attractive women ("dabo girls") to run the games, entice customers to play and distract their attention. The Ferengi realize that Humans and other species often look down on them for their ravenous profiteering and lack of independent technological or cultural achievements. However, Ferengi often see other races as self-righteous and, as Ferengi have come into regular contact with Humans, their own self-image has improved by comparison. While their criticism that Humans took well over 6,000 years to develop a central banking system after the beginning of their civilization may seem lacking in moral force, other arguments can be more convincing: Racism is almost unknown among the Ferengi. It is unclear if there even are racial divisions among the Ferengi. Indeed, believing that a Ferengi merchant would refuse to serve anyone because of their race is almost unthinkable—there would be no profit in it. There has never been any indication that the Ferengi engaged in genocide or apartheid. However it must be pointed out that until the very end of the series, the Ferengi were notorious for their sexism. Ferengi also believed the Federation was a "homo-sapiens only club" and practiced racial discrimination against the Ferengi. They also are known for pronouncing "human" as hew-mon. Revenge and crimes of passion are nearly unknown among the Ferengi—again, they rarely see any profit in either. The Ferengi idea of revenge is more akin to the concept of schadenfreude. Causing your enemy to lose profit, or fail to profit, is considered the best revenge. Despite the possible profits from nuclear power, the Ferengi never tested nuclear weapons in their atmosphere. In addition, the Ferengi do not often believe in selling products that are inherently dangerous from regular use, as that would reduce their customer base. For example, the Ferengi invented synthehol for use as a harmless substitute for ethyl alcohol, although they were impressed that humans would allow the sale of cigarettes, which are both addictive and unhealthy. The Ferengi have a strong work ethic, and encourage thrift and saving over conspicuous consumption. When a Ferengi makes a major purchase, it is likely to be something very useful for making further profit. Ferengi make excellent administrators as they are well versed in accounting and inventory procedures, and can often apply these skills to other endeavors. The Ferengi do not appear to appreciate class or have a class system. Even though their status is determined entirely by wealth, the Ferengi would consider it foolish to establish an "upmarket" clientele when there would be profit to be made in selling goods to less fortunate people. In fact, the Ferengi belief in the "Great Material Continuum", an analogue of the unrestricted free market, often drives them to great length to satisfy a potential customer's needs and to find a market for their goods. It is worth noting that the Ferengi economy is not actually an unrestricted free market, and is subject to the Ferengi Commerce Authority's heavy regulation (the authority breaks strikes and has the ability to seize all assets of any Ferengi who does not comply with FCA regulation). To the Ferengi, profit is its own reward (Rule of Acquisition #41). Arms merchants are tolerated, as with any business. Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #34 states "War is good for business"; however, Rule of Acquisition #35 rebuts "Peace is good for business." Ferengi engage in the practice of selling defensive weaponry to weaker species under attack, in addition to selling to species that are more belligerent. The Ferengi consider pregnancy to be a rental, with the father being termed the lessee. |
In one episode of DS9, Quark and Benjamin Sisko share an exchange in which Quark makes the case that
the Ferengi are a more civilized race than humans:
Quark: I think I figured out why humans don't like Ferengi—
Sisko: Not now, Quark.
Quark: The way I see it, humans used to be a lot like Ferengi: greedy, acquisitive, interested only in
profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget.
Sisko: Quark, we don't have time for this.
Quark: You're overlooking something, Commander. Humans used to be a lot worse than Ferengi.
Slavery, concentration camps, interstellar war; we have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of
barbarism. You see? We're nothing like you. We're better.
Ferengi Leadership:
• Grand Nagus Gint (c. 9th Millennium B.C.E.)
• Grand Nagus Yost
• Grand Nagus Drik
• Grand Nagus Frek (invents the 4th Rule)
• Grand Nagus Brolok
• Grand Nagus Oblat
• Grand Nagus Smeet "the Obvious"
• DaiMon Vurp (the only military dictator)
• Grand Nagus Untz
• Grand Nagus Twim (outlaws time travel)
• Grand Nagus Zek (?-2375)
• Grand Nagus Rom (2375-?)
In theory, every business transaction that a Ferengi makes is governed by two hundred eighty-five Rules of Acquisition, though the rules themselves give the Ferengi license to cheat, steal, and bend the truth to suit their needs. The first rule was made by Gint, the first Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance, a role with political, economic, and even quasi-religious duties. The title of "Rules of Acquisition" was chosen as a clever marketing ploy (since the rules are merely guidelines) and Gint numbered his first rule as #162, in order to create a demand for the other 161 Rules that had yet to be written. The Rules were said to be divinely inspired and sacred (thus furthering the original marketing ploy). Although it has been stated within Star Trek that there are 285 rules, not all of them have been stated in canon. Most of the rules were written by Ira Steven Behr and he published many of them in a book The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, the cover of which credits authorship as being "By Quark as told to Ira Steven Behr." Additional rules were published in Legends of the Ferengi, by Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe. Behr and Wolfe were both writers for Star Trek: Deep Space Nine with Behr being the Executive Producer of the series. The Rules of Acquisition take the form of short aphorisms such as the first rule "Once you have their money, you never give it back," the twenty-first rule "Never place friendship above profit," the thirty-fourth rule "War is good for business," followed by the thirty-fifth rule "Peace is good for business." |
| In fact I'm pretty sure most of them are.... |